Monday, 6 December 2010

Today

So I'm in the states now. It's really hard being away from Greg. I cried myself to sleep last night,  as that was the only way I was going to be able to fall asleep without him. I have a full day of house/apartment hunting!! Which should be fun. 
My sponsor picked me up from the airport and the first words out her mouth was are you hungry...I wanted to yell yes, lets get some food, but I remained in control and said NO. Day 2 without a bite to eat! This makes me soo happy. I'm in control again. Ana has found me and hopefully here to stay! Although I feel like my sponsor found my letter to Ana, as she keeps going on about food and getting me something to eat. Does she think I'm that fat and need a constant supply of food going into my body???
That just makes me want to work harder to not eat!
I'm starting to get hungry and the feeling of being completely empty is making me feel great. Working towards Day 2 and feeling in control and powerful! 
Thank you for comments and followers...You are all helping me stay strong. When I start to feel weak I think of all of the posts I read and the people who are following my blog and the comments that I will get when I start to achieve my goals...

Together we will be strong!!
Be safe...Most of all BE HAPPY!!!

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Dear Ana....I miss you!

So I'm getting ready to move on Sunday. I am sooo stressed out because of it! My guy and I are starting to fight more and more! I have no idea why I keep pushing him away instead of keeping him close. I do that tho, when things start to get to hard and I get scared I run and hide and if I can't hide then I do things to make that person hate me!
I am so fucking backwards sometimes!!
Every morning I wake up and say: Today, I'm in control!
Every morning I look in the mirror and say: Today I will do everything to make you look better!
Every morning I make a promise to Ana: Today I will please you!! 
Yet by the END of the day....I have not done anything but fail!! 
I'm starting to give up on everything....How can I be so weak, when last week I was so strong! What has changed?
Why am I not in control anymore???

Dear Ana,
Please come back! Please bring me back the strength you once gave to me. I am sorry for upsetting you and making you leave me! I promise if you come back I wont give in. I will be strong I will make you happy!!

Love Always 
-Leanne

To everyone fighting to stay strong...Together we can do anything!! 
Be safe, most of all BE HAPPY!!

Tattoo Thinspiration

I've been looking at tattoo thinspo lately. As I really want a new one!! I've decided I'm not going to get anything new until I reach my 140 goal. 6.5lbs away! That is now my movitavtion to really think about everything I put in my mouth...When I'm feeling weak and give into my lack of control...I have to think about how great my new tattoo will look, when I don't look like a pig in the mirror!!
Here is some tattoo thinspo for us who love inked skin!!
I WANT SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!















Couple Thinspritation

I realized FAT does NOt equal LOVE