For the past 7 days I've done nothing, but cry. I come home from work take my uniform off, get into bed and cry. I feel like my world has turned upside down. I am completely out of control of everything!! I mean everything.
I'm sick and they don't know why. I've been in pain for months, random symptoms, but the most constant of them has been pain...and they have no idea whats wrong. I was booked in to have surgery and it got put on hold so I could be brought back to this hell hold and tormented!!
My career choice has left me more out of control that a convict in prison.
The only thing I have left to control is my food. It all started with out realizing, I thought it was just another symptom of what is wrong....Not the case, well it may have started out that way....Now, its different....This I can control. This is the best/worst drug I've ever had...and I've had some crazy times!! The surge I get from being in control of when I eat and how much and if it stays inside me, is amazing. I love it! However with all drugs it does have a come down and I think this drug (food control) has the worst come down in the world!! Now when I eat....it hurts, but in a way that you would never be able to understand unless you have felt it. The only way I know to rid myself of this pain is to get it out of me, the food that is. Although there are times, where it is not always possible and that is the moment my world crumbles again....
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